Past of the Future.

4 friends - Boka, Entira, Yoman and Binness. They have been together throughout ( B.Tech and then MBA from the same colleges, then joined the same firm in the same profile). 

This is a chat between them on a lazy saturday evening at a coffee shop. 

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Boka: In kolkata, there is this really old .. 

Yoman: Forget the old man!! Dude.. look at that chick dude.. I think she is totally checking me out man. 

Entira: uufffff... Delhi chicks are so hot... in my village..u wont find a single hot chick. 

Binness:  Then why dont u just go for it? 

Entira: Cant na.. my dad is already looking for a match. I am talking to this girl ... you know.. she is from the neighboring village.. I used to play wid her sister ... we were in the same skl.

Yoman: Cool maaaannnn... now u r gonna play wid her!! :) Gimme 5 bro!

Entira: You r such a dirty fellow! But.. I may have to reject her.. she had a bf.. she told me.. but i never had a gf na! It would be no problem for someone like u.. u hv tons of gfs.

Boka: Arey! I also had gfs.. more than oaaaaan (1) !! But thik ache.. its ok.. 1 bf .. u can allow. At least she was not a renowned slut of her college.. u knw who i m talkin abt. 

Yoman: I dooooo do do do do dooooooo! Hey.. thanks for setting me up dude!!! Awesome! I still dunno y u had to brk up wid her!!! 

Boka: Shut up! God knows what i will say when sm girl asks me abt my past.

Binness: Simple.. tell them u had 1 gf.. u loved her.. but she betrayed u.. Saaru?  

Yoman: Just 1 would be too less dude!!

Boka: No no.. 1 is ok. 1 is good. Then I wont come across as a geek no?

Binness: And neithr a casanova! Just fine :) 1 is optimum.

Entira: U guys are confusing me! How do I knw this girl isnt doing the same -- the 1 bf story!

Boka: God knows. 

Entira: Cheppu raaa... give me a soln..

Binness: See guys.. I havent told u ppl .. but my family is also looking for a match.. and I have talked to 7-8 girls regarding this.. :) and guess wat.. each one of them had just 1 bf earlier ! :)) moral of the story -- dont blv the 1 bf story. Saaru?

Yoman: If I hv to go down this road.. I will also adopt the 1 gf story !! Very powerful dude! I am crying..

Entira: Denge!! 

Dont feel like writing a title now

Yeah. IIMA is hectic. As if you didnt know already. Lets get to the fucking point.
I have ranted about various things till now.. but not religion, God, bullshit and other stuff in that category.
So, today I will.

I am not a very big fan of Mr. God. But I do not have a problem if you are, as long as you dont intend to blow up the people who dont blv in your favourite Almighty creator. I am neutral about this subject and I dont feel the need to know whether God exists.
But, lets assume that he does, just for fun. And please allow me the liberty to also assume there is only 1 God.. not the 33 crore Gods we Hindus have ( even though u can do with as many hands as you can get if you have to create the whole fucking universe!! ). So what does he do?
Creates the universe!! whoof!! Takes some doing.. that.
Then?
Creates dinosaurs .. i guess.. i dunno.. lets fast forward to the man and woman thing...  God only knows why he would wait so long to create the most intelligent animal of all (according to themselves, if i may add).

Then .. he feels that he should write a book so that we human beings know what to do and how to behave. Good enough. Evidently.. he has not made us intelligent enuf to decide for ourselves.

He starts by bragging a lot about all the things he has created and all the shit that went down before we humans were made..
He also tells us that he is this cool dude.. who promises eternal bliss after death if we live by his code. But wait a minute.
If its eternal.. wouldnt u just get used to it and ultimately bored of it? Who would want that?
Isnt it our nature to crave for things we dont have... aren't the rarest stones also the most precious ones?
I am not so convinced with this promise of eternal bliss.

Also.. he introduces us to this Devil guy.. i am pretty sure.. God and Devil dont really get along.
So God goes out and writes a whole book to bitch about this Devil guy and entices u to join his kingdom.
Cool.
but what does the Devil do?
Nothing!
Yeah.. I wouldnt be surprised if The Devil turns out to be the real cool dude. I mean.. he surely has a lot more going on in his life.
God writes a whole fucking book writing shit abt him. And he doesnt even comment on it.. "Bro.. u go write whatever u want.. I am chillin out wid my babes here in hell."
Now tell me.. who's the cool guy?

Now.. next thing in the book is the eternal agony in Hell, which btw.. is the Devil's playground. He is the Boss of Hell.
How would u get there? If u lie, cheat and do all sorta stuff that the God doesnt want u to do.
Think about it. YOu defy God.. dont follow his code.. show him the middle finger.. WHY oh WHY would the Devil punish you???!!!
You, my dear, are his best friend! You have clearly pissed off God, who is Devil's biggest enemy.. WHY would he give u agony?? Plz tell me!
Doesnt make sense .. does it? Devil will love you.. he will hook u up wid the best hookers and drug dealers in hell.. surely u dont expect such people to go to heaven!
Now, tell me.. where do u wanna go? U wanna follow God's rules and go to a fucking boring place filled with scientists and sadhus and all the boring people..
or do u wanna have a party wid the best rockstars and hookers, smoking pot and doing coke???

I am pretty sure these books are part of a marketing gimmick.. if anything.. God seems to be awfully similar to a certain Mr. Chaudhuri with a ponytail!!!

I will end with George Carlin's quote "YOu tell a man the paint is wet. He has to touch to blv u. But u tell him thr is an invisible person up there who controls the universe and he is convinced!"

Thank you for reading. And if you are offended, fuck off.

To move forward, sometimes you need to look back

Let me start by wishing everyone a very happy and prosperous new year. May God bestow upon you all you ever wanted and more.

I was wondering what to write after such a long time. I felt I should look back at the years I have spent so far and then as I was reminiscing, my life at Kgp started dominating my thoughts. I realized how much I had learnt there even though I hardly attended classes and how much those 4 years have changed me. Some of you might be aware that I had recently gone back there as a recruiter. I was super excited to be back in Kgp.

We took a cab from Dum Dum Airport to Kgp. On our way, we stopped at Sher-e-Punjab for brunch. We sat on the table right next to the one where I had given my last treat before leaving Kgp as a student. [ The 1st piece of nostalgia that struck me when I sat on that table was the "fight" between Sushil and Shomrita about something to do with the differences between boys and girls ] We put up at the Technology Guest House (this is the 1st time I stepped in and I am impressed.) and we were scheduled to have our PPT and written test in the evening. I managed to make a short visit to LLR Hall before the PPT and planned to visit my department the next day, but the plan never materialized. I went to my room which was locked, looked around the wing ... everything was so quiet and there was only a 3rd yr student in the whole wing. The solitude and quietness seemed alien. However, I chatted with him for a while before leaving. I also happened to meet up a junior from my dept and we chatted for a while.

As soon as I entered V3, the placement coordinator greeted me and said :: "aapne mera OP liya tha." The sleepy eyes and the disinterested looks during the PPT reminded me of my days as a student. Wish, these guys understood that the "package slide" is not the only important slide in the PPT. Wish, I had known this back then. Next day, during the GD and PI rounds as well, I saw my juniors repeating the same mistakes that I had made and it was ironical that I was rejecting candidates for doing the same things I had done during my years at Kgp.

I can understand that the temptation is always to get into a finance company which will pay you much more than most standard software companies (except the exclusive ones like Google, FB , Microsoft, Amazon etc). And hence, we do not expect you to prepare anything just to get a job in Ericsson / IBM / Deloitte or the like. But the minimum we expect is that you remember some of the stuff that you have read in your 4 years at Kgp. Basic data structures, algorithms (just the simple ones - sorting etc) and some basic concepts of C -- this is the minimum we expect from candidates. But unfortunately, only a handful of students remembered these concepts and we ended up recruiting much lesser numbers than we had targeted.

I hope that all those people who have been looking for a job, have already got one. But still, if you happen to read this and know people who are not placed yet and are willing to sit for software companies, do ask them to revise little bit of DS, algo and C. That should be more than sufficient.

Best of luck to everyone everywhere.

NJOY !!

P.S : Next blog will not be so boring!!!

Sex Surveys or Fake Surveys ???

Ok. So let me start by giving you the required background information .

Visit these links if you find it difficult to blv what I am about to say.

I have serious doubts.

India on which day??

When I was 15, I was in love with Madhuri Dixit.

Now lets put things into perspective.

" Urban Indians have one of the most exciting sex life in the world and are also the most open lovers in the world when it comes to talking to partners about sex, says a new global survey.

Almost three-quarters (74 per cent) of Indians surveyed are comfortable with telling their partners what they like in bed way above the global average of 58 per cent and the UK with just 49 per cent, says the Durex ‘Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey "

"Nahi nahi!! udhar nahi....idhar" -- This is probably as honest and open as it can get.

But I wonder what part of "Tum mujhe kya samajhte ho? main us tarah ki ladki nahi hoon." makes the guy comfortable and also how much of it is honest. :P

But yes, I have to admit that young people do talk about sex more often these days and they would probably be quite open about it with their partners. But how much of that openness is actually healthy discussion and how much of it is treated as dirty talk to get off is another thing.

"The survey further points out that two-third of Indians (68 per cent) think their love lives are exciting, a sharp contrast with 38 per cent for English lovers and 36 per cent for famed lovers in France. Moreover, 63 per cent of Indians say they have enough variety, compared with 47 per cent in the UK and just 9 per cent in Japan."

This one is funny. We grow up jerking off to Raveena Tandon shaking her booty to "tu cheez badi hai mast mast" and the English and French are exposed to all forms of sexual experiences from their teens. By the time we have seen a naked lady, the French might have already done things that some of us will be afraid of asking our wives.

" Indian men have averaged six lovers and women have averaged two, while in the UK the figures are 16 and 10 respectively. Globally men, on average, have 13 partners and women have seven. "

Yes my friends. This survey says that Indian men average 6 lovers !!! I have had 2 if I count my hands. It is at times like this that I feel I (and a large majority of my friends from IIT) have let our country down. So friends, from now on.. let us all be "Dedicated to the service of the nation".

(that is the motto or soemthing similar of IIT Kgp)

" Over 26% of young men and 40% of young women reported that they had spent time alone with their first romantic partner at age 15 or below. "

WTF!! Most of the people I know were yet to discover the pleasures of self-appeasement on their 15th birthday. But yes, it could be true if you count the time spent alone in each others dreams or may be when the 2 of you reached class a bit too early and your eyes locked. I dont see too many options here.

" The first reported romantic partner was typically a neighbour or friend (reported by 33% of young men and women), a fellow student or colleague (reported by 30% of young men and 16% of young women) or an acquaintance from outside the village/neighbourhood (reported by 25% of young men and 19% of young women). "

I have lived in the wrong neighborhood, studied in the wrong school, then college and now working in the wrong office OR I just cant get laid.

I would rather let you decide whether we are really the ugliest people in India or is TOI getting a bit too ahead of itself in sex surveys.

Project Management.. episode 1.

Here is episode 1 of an interesting story that wrote itself. I am just trying to document it in a manner that gives me the least trouble. Let me know if you would like me to continue in this endeavor.. Your feedback is as precious to me as my manager's. :D Kidding. Njoy! but do tell me if you want the following episodes. and suggestions are always welcome.

Right now, you can right click on the pic and open it in a new tab to see enlarged verison. Next post (if any) will have more visible pics.

office office

Everyone had warned me about it. But I ignored them all. Working life really sucks!!! Remain a student as long as possible. Do a Phd or something.. anything that would allow you to just fuck up and not give a damn ! Become George Bush may be. Coz he surely doesnt give a fuck.

And to make things worse, you have MANAGERS!!!!

Most of them were developers at some point of time. I cant possibly imagine what happened between then and now that they have MANAGED to become such assholes! Even my dad is a manager! Even I will be a MANAGER a few years from now... I hope I will be different... but not really sure how.

And I am not just talking about myself. This is the same case with all my friends. I am sure this is the case with you if you happen to be working.

In my project, there are around 20 developers, 2 architects and 5 managers ! 1 guy is a Program Manager.. he is kinda decent. There's a Project Manager .... only GOD knows what he is supposed to do ! No one else seems to have a clue. There's a Line Manager, the guy who does our evaluation and also the same guy who has the least contact with us and knows the least about what we do ! Imagine that! He thinks I am good enough to deliver a patent all on my own and then rates me Average! Does he even have a clue what he is talking about?? 1 guy brings in requirements as if there was any shortage of it. And the last one does something so mysterious I cant even describe it !

And the architects are awesome too ! They just make demands and then themselves dont know how things will be implemented! In short, they all suck and I am sure this is the most awesome blog I have ever written or will write in future !

Suck my cock you bloody assholes!

Frust!!!!

mathematics and love

I just had a very interesting conversation with a friend and thot tht I shud share parts of it with you people.

Basically we were discussing what it takes to have a successful relationship [:D] [Dont worry.. I was not in a preachy mood ].

Our basic debate was - is it honesty that keeps a relation together or is it dishonesty ?

Honesty , as almost everyone knows , is very important. But dishonesty can have its advantages, spclly when the girl is not smart enough to find out / understand the real thing.

Finally, we agreed (tht is the impression I have) that it is a parabolic relation as explained in the diagram below.

L is the length of your relationship. E(L) is the expectation of L. The graph reaches infinity asymptotically on either side, ie , when honesty = 0 and when honesty = infinity. From the graph you can easily understand that there are 2 unique values of honesty which can achieve a particular E(L).

The red regions are the successful regions for a target E(L) and yellow region is the danger region, where you would need the help of some premium scotch (hence yellow). Such cases generally occur when one choses the middle path (that is when honesty becomes directly proportional to the number of times u get caught).